Weak fools

"But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong." (1 Corinthians 1:27 ESV)

Chosen by God=weak fool.  Coming to that realization has been quite a painful struggle for me but now that I'm here(or more here than I used to be I guess)...big sigh of relief!  There is such freedom in getting strength and wisdom not from ME but from God alone.  Also, I'm not surprised anymore when I fail...which is often. After all, I'm a weak fool, what else should I expect but failure when I try to accomplish, work, plan, worship, play, live on my own without the strength and wisdom that God provides through His Word and His Holy Spirit.  For me, it has been through and in my failures that I've experienced God's loving presence rather than in my successes.  The Word tells us over and over that God desires us to be broken ("The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." (Psalm 51:17 ESV)).  Not that He wants us to dig our heels in and get comfortable with the pain but He wants to continually do surgery on our broken hearts and set our broken bones straight.  And it is in these moments of sometimes intense, sharp pain when my Father draws me to Himself, wraps my wounds, and reminds me that my eternal healing has already been bought through His own Son's wounds.  

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3 ESV)

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18 ESV)

"and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed." (Hebrews 12:13 ESV)

Thorns hurt

"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 ESV)

It's sometimes very painful the things that God allows in our lives to cause us to more fully understand that we are nothing good on our own and to more completely depend on Him.  I don't understand why He uses pain to lead us to Himself but I do know that Jesus himself suffered agony to become fully mature (Heb. 2:10).  In all truth, the most unloving thing He could do for me is to leave me like I am:  stuck in pride, sin, and rebellion.  He knows that HE is the best thing for me:  the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  Unfortunately, I'd never leave my pride, sin, and rebellion behind on my own volition.  I am too comfortable here, too prone to wander, too caught in vicious cycles of suicidal desires.  I am an addict; addicted to glorifying myself above all else...the Bible calls this my sinful nature.  Therefore, without a very strong motivating force to drive me to change, I'd stay here, so comfortable in my worship of myself.  What is the initial motivating force behind change?  Pain.  Avoidance of it and desire to never experience it again.  Now I don't believe I can continue on in true, mature faith if desire to avoid pain is my lasting motivation for following God; but I do believe it's important to remember the pain from time to time. Remember what it felt like to try it my way instead of God's way; remember how long it took to crawl my way out of the pit; remember that sin seems good but, in reality, it's impossible to find peace when apart of God; remember that God's way is not easy but the alternative is impossible.  

I am sometimes angry when God allows pain to come my way. I wonder when I will be perfected (matured) enough to stop doubting His goodness in the midst of pain and joyfully accept that it's a sign of His loving discipline that He still hasn't given up on me. He is still trying to break through to me and draw me closer to His side. I can't wait til that faith becomes instinct for me. For now it is work and it is hard. But the burden lifts and the load is lightened when I take my eyes off of the pain (aka, wallow in self pity) and fix them on Jesus, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Let us consider Him who endured such painful opposition from sinful man and not grow weary or lose heart (Heb. 12:2-3). 

You do!

This morning in the car, like so many mornings, I said, "I love you, Caleb.  I love you very much."  But today his reply jarred me:  he said to me, "You do!"  As soon as the words left his mouth, I "heard" the Spirit preach a sermon to my soul...words of life came flooding into my mind in an instant.  What struck me as remarkable was that it would assure my son to affirm MY expression of love towards him, NOT to not return my expression with his own "I love you too."  His little 3 year old heart,  by default, feels more at peace in the rock-solid confidence that his mommy loves him than in his own love towards me.  Is that not how children find security in their relationship with their parents?  The unwavering confidence in our parents sacrificial, giving, selfless love towards us produces the foundation necessary for us to go forth in the world and thrive. Without the assurance that our parents would do anything in this world to ensure our health and success, we become paralyzed with fear, insecurity, anxiety, doubts...the list could go on and on.
How much more does our confidence need to rest in our Heavenly Father's love for us?!  To know the depths to which He went to ensure our eternal health and success will, without a doubt, enable us to go forth in this world (not to mention the next) and thrive.  To the extent I believe with all my heart, mind, and soul that Jesus loves me enough to have already provided EVERYTHING I need for an abundant life both here and eternally, that is the extent to which I will be able to live without fear, doubt, anxiety, depression, angst; taking risks, loving without limits, being available to go and do and work and produce.  My limits are determined by my lack of faith. To believe He loves more than enough to be my True Parent is my life's call. And when I hear His gentle, "I love you, child. I love you very much," to assuredly and humbly reply, "You do!"

"How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings." (Psalm 36:7 ESV)