Thorns hurt

"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 ESV)

It's sometimes very painful the things that God allows in our lives to cause us to more fully understand that we are nothing good on our own and to more completely depend on Him.  I don't understand why He uses pain to lead us to Himself but I do know that Jesus himself suffered agony to become fully mature (Heb. 2:10).  In all truth, the most unloving thing He could do for me is to leave me like I am:  stuck in pride, sin, and rebellion.  He knows that HE is the best thing for me:  the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  Unfortunately, I'd never leave my pride, sin, and rebellion behind on my own volition.  I am too comfortable here, too prone to wander, too caught in vicious cycles of suicidal desires.  I am an addict; addicted to glorifying myself above all else...the Bible calls this my sinful nature.  Therefore, without a very strong motivating force to drive me to change, I'd stay here, so comfortable in my worship of myself.  What is the initial motivating force behind change?  Pain.  Avoidance of it and desire to never experience it again.  Now I don't believe I can continue on in true, mature faith if desire to avoid pain is my lasting motivation for following God; but I do believe it's important to remember the pain from time to time. Remember what it felt like to try it my way instead of God's way; remember how long it took to crawl my way out of the pit; remember that sin seems good but, in reality, it's impossible to find peace when apart of God; remember that God's way is not easy but the alternative is impossible.  

I am sometimes angry when God allows pain to come my way. I wonder when I will be perfected (matured) enough to stop doubting His goodness in the midst of pain and joyfully accept that it's a sign of His loving discipline that He still hasn't given up on me. He is still trying to break through to me and draw me closer to His side. I can't wait til that faith becomes instinct for me. For now it is work and it is hard. But the burden lifts and the load is lightened when I take my eyes off of the pain (aka, wallow in self pity) and fix them on Jesus, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Let us consider Him who endured such painful opposition from sinful man and not grow weary or lose heart (Heb. 12:2-3).